Business Week Article Bombs with Bad Tone
September 28th, 2008 Dina at Wordfeeder.comRegular readers of mine will recall that I talk a lot about tone in copywriting. It’s important — even critical, I would say– to adopt the appropriate voice as you write, as a means of conveying your brand in the appropriate light.
This morning I came across an article in Business Week that displayed inappropriate tone. Admittedly, this is journalistic writing, which is not persuasive so much as informative. But, nevertheless, the tone should be serious and respectful. Instead, we get flippant and cavalier.
Here’s the first paragraph:
Towns That Could Be Hit Hardest by the Financial Crisis
How many former Lehman Brothers bankers or AIG executives are likely to be buying a Park Avenue apartment or a home in Darien, Conn., this year? Most likely answer: not many at all.
(Why is this inappropriate? Because you’re talking about something serious - people losing their jobs and homes, and the author of this article opens with snarky commentary. And if you wanted to still give him the benefit of the doubt, and say that the above wasn’t meant to be offensive, then you can read on for confirmation):
As anyone who works on Wall Street, invests in the stock market, or just reads the newspapers knows, the past few weeks for the financials sector have been as ugly as Frankenstein’s sister. People have seen their net worth eviscerated, if not obliterated completely.
Comparing the nation’s finances to Frankenstein’s sister? That is HORRIBLE writing! Not because the grammar is wrong, and not because Frankenstein’s sister isn’t the epitome of ugly - she is. The problem is that subject is serious, but the comparison is comical. When such an incongruence occurs in writing, one might conclude that:
a. the person who wrote the article is not very intelligent, or,
b. the person who wrote the article is perfectly intelligent, but they just don’t care.
If Business Week had paid more attention to the wording of this article, they might have done a little editing on it. Sometimes it’s hard to find a better analogy than “Frankenstein’s sister,” but if you can’t make it work, then take it out and just do straight-up reporting instead.
Have you thought about the “tone” that is portrayed in your business communication? What kind of picture does it paint about your company?
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