 Bad
Copy, Good Copy: A Show-By-Example Guide to Writing Stronger
Web Content
by Dina
Giolitto
Just like you, there are millions of people
out there writing content for the web. These people are creating
pages for their websites. They're crafting articles to publish
on article directories. They're dreaming up new blog posts,
hoping to lure in new prospects who "buzz" on the
hot topics of the day.
And yet, only a handful of web business
owners will achieve significant results for their effort -
while the rest get passed over. Why is this? I'll tell you
why. Their copy falls flat.
Next time you Google your favorite subject,
pay close attention to the quality of the articles that come
up. Do the words resonate with you? Or do you get a vague
sense of drowning in useless information - meaningless drivel?
Then, ask yourself: is this article truly without merit? Or,
is it more likely that the package it came in lacks appeal,
feels overwhelming, makes us "stumble over the words"
as we're reading?
Below, I've listed some common writing errors
that muddle your meaning and prevent you from connecting with
your reader. Learn to get past such stumbling blocks - so
you can move on to a more advanced level of communication
that works to bring you more fans, more followers, and more
sales.
Problem one: passive
sentence structure.
Which of these sounds more exciting to you?
• The ball was tossed into the
air, and then caught by the little girl.
• The little girl tossed the ball into the air, then
caught it.
The first sentence above follows a passive
structure because it features the ball, or the object (recipient)
of the action, as the subject. It's not that the arrangement
of words is "wrong" (it passes for English) - but
as you can see, this clearly lacks energy. The passive verb
"was" (a form of the verb "to be") is
to blame.
The sentence directly below it demonstrates
that by simply flipping the order (featuring the girl or doer
of the action, as the subject), we suddenly "bring this
to life" for the reader. "The little girl tossed
the ball" shows active subject-verb agreement because
the girl is the one doing the action.
Active voice, as well as colorful verbs,
lend a certain energy or vitality to your writing. This wakes
up the reader and helps "move the story along."
In advertising, you want to captivate your audience, convince
them of something, and then make suggestions that spur them
on to action. Active verbs work toward this end.
Problem two: Too many compound sentences
and run-ons.
Some writers like to employ what I call
the "dramatic" run-on. As you read their words,
you get a sense of being whipped into a wild frenzy. Their
copy typically features three independent clauses all strung
together, with several thoughts building one upon the other,
reaching a crescendo and finally hitting a conclusion and
a full stop (not unlike this sentence). This would work, except
for the fact that most people go overboard creating phrases
that are too long to be comprehensible. This dramatic buildup
should ideally happen over the course of a paragraph, not
in a single sentence! Other writers are less flamboyant about
it. But for some reason, they feel compelled to connect two
or more ideas which would be better left standing on their
own.
Long sentences and run-ons overwhelm your
reader - especially on the web. Ah, but how long is too long?
Practice reading your drafts out loud, and you'll find out.
Any "stumbling points" or runaway sentences quickly
make themselves known when one attempts to "speak"
one's articles. If you find you're getting "lost"
in your own copy, it's time to break things up. Go hunting
for compound sentences and run-ons in your next piece of literature.
Bring along your trusty friends, the delete bar (to remove
commas), the period, the space, and the shift key (for capitalizing),
so you can make quick-fixes as you go.
Problem three: a poor sense of pacing.
Pacing, or "pacing and leading"
as it's known in the copywriting industry, refers to the rhythm
and variance in your writing. This is where you establish
a kind of "beat" via the structure of your sentences
and paragraphs. Web marketing experts make a pretty big deal
of this. They claim that if you establish stronger "pacing"
in your writing, you will begin to hypnotize your readers
into believing whatever you have to say. At the very least,
you can illicit or "pull out" certain emotions in
your reader, depending on the pace or "beat" of
your sentences. If you "miss the beat" you'll likely
interrupt the flow of attention.
Most good writers have an innate sense of
pacing - they're able to "hear" whether the pace
flows smoothly or not, much in the same way that musicians
can tap out a beat or tune without thinking too much about
it. Take a moment to carefully read and get a sense for how
I've paced the below paragraph:
An example of purposeful pacing:
Open with a short sentence. Then try
another one. If you're stuck on pacing, go with the comma-separated
compound sentence next. It's okay to slip in a passive verb
occasionally. After all, this is how people talk!
Problem four: writing from the third person
instead of second person perspective.
Unlike other types of writing (for example,
research papers), advertising copy initiates a conversation
with the reader. For this reason, you should use the second
person perspective whenever possible. The second person perspective
takes advantage of "you" and "your" to
establish a connection with the audience.
Many, many individuals who publish articles
on the web tend toward the third person perspective, which
fails to persuade because it doesn't establish a dialogue
with the reader. If you're not "talking with" your
audience, it's difficult if not impossible to prompt certain
ideas as a means of "selling" your product or service.
Third person perspective: Clients can
count on Wordfeeder.com to deliver copywriting tips, hints
and techniques that work to increase their sales.
Second person perspective (the "you"
is understood in the first part of this sentence): Count
on Wordfeeder.com to deliver copywriting tips, hints and techniques
that work to increase your sales.
Bad Copy, Good Copy: Before and After Samples
Below, you'll find several examples that
I lifted from a few different articles on the web. As you
peruse each one, try to understand what about these sentences
makes them "weak." Notice how with just a few simple
adjustments, your meaning becomes instantly clearer and the
copy "comes alive."
Bad: Here are
five techniques for writing articles on the web which will
help you to stand out among your competitors.
Better: Web
articles help you stand out among your competitors. Try your
hand at these five article-writing techniques.
Bad: There
are various comparison shopping portals that are there to
help you with choosing the deal of your choice according to
your taste and suitability of your budget.
Better: Explore
the web's top comparison-shopping portals, and find a great
deal to match your taste and budget!
Bad: However,
buying an automotive and cycle insurance policy only to neglect
it could end up costing you more money in the long run, or
even leaving you unprotected.
Better: Neglecting
your automotive and cycle insurance policy will cost you more
in the long run - and in some cases, can even leave you unprotected.
Bad: The ability
to understand that things and events around us, that impact
on our lives, happen for a purpose, it one of the keys to
accepting that there are forces operating around us, over
which have no control.
Better: There
are forces over which we have no control. Once we understand
this, we can begin to accept that things and events which
impact our lives happen for a purpose.
Bad: Is your
child or teen horse crazy?
Better: Is
your child or teen "horse-crazy?"
Bad: If you're
looking for reliable ways to get your website seen by people
who need what you offer, you can find this type of solution
at Wordfeeder.com.
Better: Get
your website noticed by all the right people! Wordfeeder.com
offers cutting-edge, reliable marketing solutions that will
work to make you a stand-out in your niche.
Bad: For anyone
that is looking to lose weight and seeking information on
'how to do a low calorie diet,' one of the most essential
qualifications for doing so is to eat less.
Better: Searching
for information on "how to do a low calorie diet?"
Want to lose weight for real? Learn the tricks that train
your mind to only want food when your body is truly hungry.
You've likely heard the expression, "It's
all in the delivery," as it pertains to being a confident
and effective speaker. The same is true for your website copywriting.
You might have some really brilliant ideas. But if your presentation
forces people to "dig" for the hidden meaning, they're
likely never going to get it. Luckily, with practice, you
too can become a stronger and more effective copywriter. Let
Wordfeeder.com show you the way.
Copyright 2007 Dina Giolitto, Wordfeeder.com
Copywriting and Marketing. All rights reserved.
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