Credibility Thieves in Your Web Copy,
a.k.a. Grammatical Goofs and Punctuation Flubs
by Dina
Giolitto
Make no mistake - the mood of the blogosphere
is somewhat casual and free. No one is going to come down
on you terribly hard if you stick a hyphen where an em-dash
is supposed to go, or speak in phrases instead of full sentences
on occasion. But even so - every now and then it's wise to
take a quickie refresher course on How Not to Look Silly on
Your Business Communication. In other words: mind your grammatical
p's and q's.
Here are 9
Grammatical Goofs as contributed by my very
astute blog readers - and a somewhat detailed lesson on each.
Overabundance of
exclamation points
Me, myself and I
It's and its
Lose and loose
Spaces after punctuation
Capitalization craze
Hyphenation horrors
To, too, and two
Dangling or misplaced modifiers
1. Overabundance
of exclamation points.
I hate to stereotype, but exclamation-point-itis
is a primarily female affliction. I've yet to see a guy use
more than two exclamation points max to convey his excitement.
So chill out, ladies! Multiple exclamation points are the
online equivalent of screeches and squeals.
If you're someone who cares about being
taken seriously and in at least a semi-professional manner,
consider losing the extra exclams. People aren't quite sure
what to make of other people who are this enthusiastic. I'm
thinking straight jacket.
Tip: instead of using lots and lots of exclamations,
try using words to express how you feel.
Bad example: OMG! I think you're the
coolest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Corrected: Just knowing you makes me
want to do cartwheels up and down the street!
Overabundance of
exclamation points
Me, myself and I
It's and its
Lose and loose
Spaces after punctuation
Capitalization craze
Hyphenation horrors
To, too, and two
Dangling or misplaced modifiers
2. Me, myself and
I.
According to Dr. Grammar, "myself"
is a reflexive pronoun, just like its cousins "himself",
"herself", "itself" and "themselves."
When used properly, "myself" reflects back to "I"
as the subject of the sentence.
Correct: I have excluded myself from the
running.
Incorrect: I have excluded me from the running.
The word "myself" can also be
used intensively, for emphasis:
I myself have no intention of going
to the game.
"I" generally functions as the
subject of the sentence. This seems easy enough until the
word "I" or "me" is paired with another
noun. For some reason this confuses people.
Correct: John and I walked to school
again this morning.
Incorrect: John and me walked to school again this morning.
The trick is to take away the second part
of the subject. In this case, we'll remove John from the scenario.
Does it make sense to say "Me walked to school this
morning?" No, unless you're Tarzan. Hence, "John
and I walked" is the correct response.
"Me" is used as the object of
a preposition or verb, as in "with me," "to
me," "before me," "for me," "against
me," and so forth.
Correct: Are you walking to school with
John and me?
Incorrect: Are you walking to school with John and I?
This is incorrect because "me"
operates as the object of the preposition. If you were to
remove our friend John from this scenario again, you'd find
yourself asking, "Are you walking to school with
I?" Clearly no one speaks this way - therefore,
"with John and me" is the correct response here.
Is it ever appropriate to insert a "myself"
where an "I" or "me" is supposed to go?
The answer is NO - not ever! For some reason many professionals
who hope to appear more intelligent seem to think that "myself"
should be used as the object of the sentence.
Incorrect but frequently made error: "Are
you coming to the meeting with John and myself?"
(By the way, just because you and John were
heading to school a few paragraphs ago, and now you're all
grown up and off to an important meeting does NOT make it
okay to replace "me" with "myself" in
a sentence like the one above.)
Overabundance of
exclamation points
Me, myself and I
It's and its
Lose and loose
Spaces after punctuation
Capitalization craze
Hyphenation horrors
To, too, and two
Dangling or misplaced modifiers
3. It's and Its.
Here's a no-fuss method for determining
"it's" or "it's." Recall that the apostrophe
in "it's" indicates that a letter was dropped -
that letter, or course being the exta "i" in "it
is."
Example: It's so nice to see you.
(It is so nice to see you.)
If you're still confused, think of the other
"its" as being like its posessive pronoun cousins,
"his", "her" and "your".
Correct: The rabbit licked its paw.
Incorrect: The rabbit licked it's paw.
Remind yourself that there is no apostrophe
in this case by changing the its to "his" or "her."
his, her, its (all are pronouns, none require
apostrophes)
The rabbit licked his paw.
The rabbit licked her paw.
(Does this work? Yes. Since his or her can
be substituted here and neither require an apostrophe, neither
does "its" in this particular case.)
You might also test this out by substituting
the "it's in the sentence with "it is."
The rabbit licked "it is"
paw?
No - that doesn't make any sense. So that
means that "it is" does not fit here and therefore
you do not need an apostrophe.
Overabundance of
exclamation points
Me, myself and I
It's and its
Lose and loose
Spaces after punctuation
Capitalization craze
Hyphenation horrors
To, too, and two
Dangling or misplaced modifiers
4. Lose and Loose.
"Lose" is a verb, "loose"
is an adjective. There is really no good trick for remembering
when it's appropriate to use which spelling, other than sucking
it up and just studying the two terms repeatedly until it's
been burned into your brain forever.
If "lose and loose" continue to
plague you, try copying this sentence and storing it somewhere
handy so you can refer to it later:
When you lose a lot of weight, your
pants become loose.
Overabundance of
exclamation points
Me, myself and I
It's and its
Lose and loose
Spaces after punctuation
Capitalization craze
Hyphenation horrors
To, too, and two
Dangling or misplaced modifiers
5. One or two spaces
after punctuation... but never NO spaces.
I myself advocate the use of ONE space after
a period for any computer-based document. I say this because
today's word processing programs automatically insert a skoche
more room after the closing punctuation at the end of a sentence.
So, when you do type two spaces after your periods, question
marks and exclamation points, it comes across as a bit too
pregnant of a pause.
However, I will acknowledge that not everyone
subscribes to the one-space-after-a-period theory. Some modern
computer users are still stuck in the pre-word-processing
days, when documents were typed on good old Smith-Corona typewriters,
and yes we were required to press the space bar twice before
beginning a new sentence. That's all well and good; I can
live with an extra period once in a while.
The offense I'm actually speaking of here
has to do with weirdos who don't type ANY spaces after their
closing punctuation. What is this about?
Correct: Jamie, Joan, and Judith all
went to a concert Tuesday. They got home really late.
Incorrect: Jamie,Joan,and Judith all went to a concert
Tuesday.They got home really late.
I realize that for some people who write
web content, English is actually a second language. And kudos
to them for being able to communicate in more than one tongue.
But let me ask you: if you don't know English enough to realize
that you need a space after punctuation, what the heck are
you doing publishing business websites and pretending to come
off as a professional? Burns my brisket, it does.
Overabundance of
exclamation points
Me, myself and I
It's and its
Lose and loose
Spaces after punctuation
Capitalization craze
Hyphenation horrors
To, too, and two
Dangling or misplaced modifiers
6. CAPITALIZATION
CRAZE.
IF THERE IS ONE THING THAT MAKES YOU LOOK
LIKE A DOLT, IT'S ALL-CAPPING EVERYTHING YOU SAY IN YOUR ONLINE
CONVERSATIONS. WHY ARE SO MANY PEOPLE COMPELLED TO COMMUNICATE
IN THIS MANNER, I ASK YOU?
I don't know for sure why some folks constantly
communicate in all-caps. I just know that it's wrong, and
it makes the rest of us cringe in pain and look away quickly.
I suspect that in some cases, there is an automated web bot
doing the typing, and that's why said poster is unable to
switch back and forth between lowercase and capital. And I
also suspect that said bots are likely programmed by spammers,
who apparently believe that typing in all caps is the best
way to attract attention.
All-caps certainly is eye-catching - but
not in the way that these eager beavers are hoping.
Vulgar: LEARN THE SECRETS TOP COPYWRITERS
USE TO GENERATE MORE SALES.
Better: Learn the Secrets Top Copywriters
Use to Generate More Sales.
Tip: Instead
of typing your headline in all capital letters, think
of energizing words that will
attract interest and make your readers want to know more.
Use bold type
to emphasize the most important parts.
Overabundance
of exclamation points
Me, myself and I
It's and its
Lose and loose
Spaces after punctuation
Capitalization craze
Hyphenation horrors
To, too, and two
Dangling or misplaced modifiers
7. Hyphenation horrors.
Seems like everywhere you look, hyphens
are being misused and downright abused. People either get
hyphen-happy, or else they just decide to turn off the part
of their brain that recognizes hyphens at all.
Hyphens clarify meaning. Use a hyphen when
putting two or more words together with the intention of giving
them a new function. Okay, now let me say that again using
Ye Olde Proper English terminology.
Hyphenation is used in the case of compound
modifiers - an adjectival or adverbial phrase consisting of
two or more words.
Example: Check in before closing time.
In the above sentence, "check"
is a verb and "in" serves as the object of the verb.
Since each word has its own, separate function or purpose,
"check in" does NOT require a hyphen.
However, if you said "Check-in time
is at 8:30 sharp," you'd need to hyphenate check-in.
The reason: here, you're combining "check" and "in"
to be used together as an adjective that modifies the word
time, "check-in time."
Correct: Check in with me when you arrive.
Incorrect: Check-in with me when you arrive.
Wikpedia.org offers a great example of hyphenation:
American-football player.
The hyphen is used here to clarify that
we are talking about a player who plays the American sport
of football, NOT an American player of the game football.
Overabundance of
exclamation points
Me, myself and I
It's and its
Lose and loose
Spaces after punctuation
Capitalization craze
Hyphenation horrors
To, too, and two
Dangling or misplaced modifiers
8. To, two and too.
We learn the difference between "to,"
"two," and "too" back in early English
class, and we're drilled on them repeatedly. And yet, many
grown adults still have trouble telling these three apart.
Well... let's hope most people know that
"two" is the spelling of the numeral 2. And yet
the other two continue to be interchanged. Chalk it up to
careless typing and computer brain!
"To" can be used as a preposition,
as in, "to the zoo," "to the park,
"to the left," "to the store."
"Too" is another word for "also."
Example: It shouldn't be too difficult
to use "to", "too" and "two"
at least two times each.
Overabundance of
exclamation points
Me, myself and I
It's and its
Lose and loose
Spaces after punctuation
Capitalization craze
Hyphenation horrors
To, too, and two
Dangling or misplaced modifiers
9. Misplaced or dangling modifiers.
Modifiers are single words or phrases that
describe other words. Sounds easy enough. The trouble comes,
however, when the modifier is inserted into the wrong part
of the sentence, thereby making it sound like we're describing
something we never intended to describe.
Incorrect: Hot and delicious, the man
devoured every last bit of clam chowder. (Sounds like
the man is hot and delicious, not the clam chowder!)
Correct: The man devoured every last
bit of hot, delicious clam chowder.
Incorrect: Mrs. Brown slopped the pigs
wearing her Sunday best.
Correct but not great: Wearing her Sunday best, Mrs. Brown
slopped the pigs.
Perfectly conveyed: Mrs. Brown slopped the pigs even though
she was wearing her Sunday best.
Incorrect: He nearly ate an entire box
of Cheez-Its. (Sounds like he didn't actually ever eat
the Cheez-Its.)
Correct: He ate nearly an entire box of Cheez-Its.
When professional copywriters tell you that
they "know how to get your point across clearly and succinctly,"
they're not feeding you a line of bull. What they really mean
is that they possess a strong command of the English language.
When it comes to communicating with your customers, that's
pretty a critical skill to have, wouldn't you say?
Copyright 2007 Dina Giolitto, Wordfeeder.com
Copywriting and Marketing. All rights reserved.
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